It’s been a long year, politically speaking. But in just six days Americans will head to the polls and carry out the most sacred tradition of our democracy: pretending to vote for president until the Electoral College does it for real a month later. I’m kidding about that. Mostly. I mean, those electors can actually vote for whoever they want, which means that theoretically my mom could be elected president next Tuesday—and she would definitely make America bake again—but it’s probably a safe bet that Mr. Trump or Mrs. Clinton will come out on top. And that, regardless of your political leanings, is cause for civic celebration.
Because if you really think about it, isn’t it awesome that we do this? America created the Internet, blue jeans, and cookie dough ice cream, and everyone’s favorite superpower has been letting the people pick the president (indirectly, but whatever) since 1789. We were into peaceful transitions of power before they were cool.
So in honor of the awesomeness that is America, and of our freedom to vote for whomever we please, here are Michelle’s tips for an Election Night watch party that will please every wing of every party:
• Get your hands on some red, white, and blue cupcakes from The Dessert Stand just outside Denver. Because both victory and defeat taste better covered in frosting.
• Enjoy some delicious partisanship with UV Vodka’s colored products. The company offers a red sangria flavor to complement its signature UV Blue raspberry (which, incidentally, was also my signature flavor at a time in my life when I listened to electro-pop and employed the word “legit” in casual conversation). Mix either with Sprite, and you have tasty blue or red refreshment for all donkeys and elephants.
• Get out of the house and take a Metro Taxi Denver cab to the Blake Street Tavern, where you can watch returns, have a beer, and contribute money to an awesome cause.
A few do-nots:
• Do not turn our democracy into a drinking game. Because seriously, if you take a shot every time Cuyahoga County is deemed “too close to call,” no one’s going to be having a good night. Keep it smooth, guys.
• Do not upend the living room table, dump a bag of Doritos in your friend’s face, and scream “BOO-YAH!” if your candidate wins and theirs does not. This is considered poor form.
• Do not forget to vote. It’s the party foul to end all party fouls.
And one last do: Bond over some pizza. I’m serious. My sister Stephanie and I have a few political disagreements (shocker, I know) and years ago we started a tradition whereby the sister whose candidate wins buys a pizza for the sister whose candidate loses. We enjoy it together, because we’re still sisters. And we really are all on the same side.
Until next week…
Michelle writes weekly about goings-on in Denver. Michelle is all of us. Or none of us. It’s complicated.